Hogwarts Headlines
by pink-neon
Summary: Make way for the coolest newspaper ever! Filled with juicy information, interviews and such about what's now in the world of Hogwarts, this will surely make every witch or wizard's day. So what are you waiting for? Grab a copy for only 7 sickles!


HOGWARTS HEADLINES  
  
On the front page:  
  
PROFESSOR SNAPE: TURNED INTO A HIPPOGRIFF!  
  
shows a picture of a black, very greasy looking hippogriff with black eyes like ice and another picture of Snape looking as murderous as ever, face like a rampaging rhino and teeth clenching  
  
Professor Severus Snape, Hogwarts' Potions Master, had been turned into a hippogriff during his Potions class just this morning, causing great surprises for the unfortunate 6th year Gryffindors and Slytherins.  
  
According to them, the reason was an "accident" caused by none other than the accident-prone boy himself, Neville Longbottom.  
  
"I was just...uh...adding my cup of lacewings into my cauldron...and-and it ex-exploded...just as-as Professor Snape went to me to-to inspection my potion...It was just an accident, really!" the 6th year Gryffindor said, quite nervously.  
  
But Snape was not convinced. "That clumsy git! Always messing around with his potions, never doing anything right...! Truly, Longbottom is a disgrace to the wizarding world!" Snape told Hogwart Headlines' Patil twins.  
  
WHATEVER THINGS By Ginny Weasley  
  
LUPIN AS DADA TEACHER. Professor R.J. Lupin, old Defense Against the Dark  
  
Arts teacher years ago, is once again asked to teach the subject, replcacing  
Professor Wattlebird. Werewolf or not, we're glad he's back. You go, Lupin!  
  
CATFIGHT. Slytherins pug faced Pansy Parkinson and tough girl Millicent Bullstrode  
had caused a big scene at the 2nd floor girls' lavatory just recently when they  
punched and started pulling each other's hair. Totally Slytherin. The cause? Draco  
Malfoy. Together, let's say this, people: Eeeeeewwwwwww!!!!!  
  
LIBRARY RENOVATION. More books, more space. That's what's going to happen to  
our library. Finally! It's good news for many, though library-goers like our  
Hermione Granger had been complaining about the inconvenience of not able to  
visit the library during renovation time. Cheer up, it's ok, girl!  
  
BETRAYED. My own brother, Ron Weasley, was caught snogging hottie Lisa Turnpit,  
which resulted into their break up with Hermione, Ron's now ex- girlfriend. And I  
call you my brother, Ronnie?  
  
INTERVIEWS AND INTRIGUES By Lavender Brown  
  
This afternoon I had just talked with one of the most controversial people today at Hogwarts, Professor Severus Snape. Yes, yes, you may ask, "Isn't that the one turned into a hippogriff?" Well, that's what I asked him too.  
  
L: Good afternoon, Professor Snape.  
  
S: It is NOT a good afternoon. glares at me  
  
L: Oh, well. I'll just ask you straight. You did turn into a hippogriff, right?  
  
S: grits teeth I thought you're an editor?! Don't you even know what's on the front Page of your own magazine?!  
  
L: Well, yes, I was just...Anyway, what was the feeling of transforming into a hippogriff?  
  
S: Ask Minerva or any other Animagus. They know.  
  
L: Oh...O...K...Professor, we heard from our sources that the antidote that Madame Pomfrey gave you had painful effects. Is it true?  
  
S: Your sources are very wrong! And you call this a newspaper? The antidote had absolutely no painful effects on me whatsoever!  
  
L: Oh, well, um, that ends our discussion with our, er, favorite Potions Master. Thank you very much for that, er, wonderful insight, Professor...I, um...enjoyed talking with you. See you in Potions tomorrow.  
  
S: Don't forget that 2 ft. long essay I assigned or I'll see you in detention tomorrow night.  
  
L: gulps Um, right...  
  
QUIDDITCH QUIRKS By Harry Potter  
  
Ooh la la, people! A new broomstick had just been released from Quality Quidditch Supplies! Yes, you heard it right! The new Rocket29 is no doubt the best broomstick ever, with it's more special features and cool style, no doubt much better than my Firebolt sigh. I wish I could just hold and touch its shiny broom handle, mount it for just a second and...Ahem. Right. Enough about that. Well, if you want this broomstick, buy it for 1 000 galleons. Very pricey, eh? But it will surely make every Quidditch lover drool. Like me. Ehem.  
  
ASK ANYTHING By Hermione Granger  
  
Letter of the day: Dear Hermione,  
  
I'm an average 3rd year, placed in Hufflepuff with Divinations problem. Before, I used to like the subject so much, but when we went to crystal gazing, I had absolutely no aura. No matter how hard I try, I couldn't see anything in the crystal ball. What will I do?  
  
Crystal Gazer  
  
Crystal gazer, there's one thing I could tell you. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING SOMEONE WHO DROPPED DIVINATIONS "YEARS" AGO?! Are you mad or what? And let me tell you this, you can't see anything in the crystal ball because THERE ISN'T ANYTHING TO SEE! What they teach in Divinations is rubbish! Get it? Rubbish! And if you feel like you're no good at that subject now, then just drop it like I did. Believe me, you'll feel better especially without that old bat Trelawney talking to you in hushed voices every Divinations class.  
  
Hermione Granger  
  
P.S. Ronald Weasley, no matter how many times you apologize in public or not, I am not going to forgive you for what you did. Maybe someday I will, but definitely not today, so quit bugging me already! And take back those flowers on my room or I will personally make sure they are sent back to you!  
  
THE OWLERY By Ronald Weasley  
  
Sweet and not so sweet messages for everyone...  
  
I love you Harry Potter! -from over a million fans I don't feel the need of telling all their names  
  
Marry me, Draco! -Pansy Parkinson  
  
Hermione, forgive me please? I love you pancake! -from me  
  
To any Gryffindor, I forgot the password to our common room! Please, anyone, tell me! -Neville Longbottom  
  
My special compliments to Potty wee Potter...I heard you failed the 6th Potions test-'again'. But don't worry, you can always ask mudblood Granger for help. Weasley, you have no chance of winning that mudblood back, I tell you. Maybe she left you because you couldn't buy her a gift. Well, that's possible, judging by the way you can't even 'buy' new robes for yourself. And what did you do to my owl?! I'll get back at you, mark my words! And oh, that house elf that served me espresso this morning, you will pay! Everyone 'knows' I hate espresso! -the one and only Draco Malfoy  
  
Harry, can you please sign your picture, the one I took during the Quidditch match last year? Please? -Colin Creevey  
  
Longbottom, you will pay for making me a hippogriff! Detention with me for the rest of the year! -Severus Snape  
  
And that's all there is today for The Owlery. If you would just like to post a message in this newspaper, all you have to do is owl your message to yours truly, Ron Weasley.  
  
WARNING: I do not accept owls that bite, like the one that git Malfoy owns!  
  
Special thanks to Harry for helping me "get rid" of Malfoy's owl...laughs evilly And Ginny, how dare you speak to your brother like that! Hermione, please forgive meeeeee!!!!! 


End file.
